Entry 19911109-2 - Stephanie Ann Adams

_November 9, 1991, Milford, Ohio_


"Who actually initiated things that morning?" Fran Mercer asked Stephanie.

"I suppose it depends on how you mean. We were both nervous and at least a bit scared. Steve recognized that and I admitted being afraid, but I looked him in the eyes and said that I had been looking forward to that day from the time I was seven, ever since I knew what sex was in a little kid kind of way. I told him I'd imagined what it would be like every single day, but I was worried that he would reject me and that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to convince him. I pointed out that his reaction to Melanie and Jennifer telling him what I wanted had been negative, but that eventually he decided he would fulfill my desire. But, strangely, it was at that point that I began to be scared about actually doing it. As I told him, I liked the idea of doing it, but the reality frightened me."

"You told him all of that?"

"Yes, and he said that if I'd changed my mind, or that if I was too nervous, or was afraid, then we wouldn't do it and we'd just spend time together as brother and sister, and that no matter what, he'd love me more than he could possibly say."

"What were you thinking when he gave you the opportunity to back out?"

"I was afraid to do it, but I was even more afraid to not do it! I loved him so much that I couldn't imagine not making love with him, no matter how scary it might seem."

"Because it was incest?" Doctor Mercer asked.

"No, because I was a virgin. But I knew that Steve would never hurt me, which made me less afraid. I loved him so much, that I just had to do it. I almost started crying because I was afraid it wasn't going to happen."

"Then what?"

"I told him I loved him and I asked for a hug. He just took me in his arms and held me until I asked him to make love to me."

"Do you remember what you said? Exactly?"

"I said 'I want you to make love to me, big brother. Please.' and then he scooped me in his arms, kissed me, and carried me down the hall. I asked him to take me to my bed, because that's where I wanted it to happen."

"Did you talk about birth control?"

"He knew I was on the Pill. I'd told him that months and months before."

"Was your bed turned down? Or had you done anything special to prepare your room?"

"No."

"So what happened next?"

"I took off my t-shirt and sweatpants, but left on my bra and panties, and a waist chain Steve had given me."

"When did he give you that?"

"For my twelfth birthday. He obviously appreciated what he saw, and I asked him to undress."

"How did you feel?"

"Once I saw him? I wanted him so badly my body ached. I asked him if he wanted to see me, and when he said 'yes', I took off my bra and panties, then asked him to help me turn down the bed."

"I don't need specific details, but what happened next?"

"First I got a white towel from my closest and put it on the bed under where my butt would go, then we got into bed, with him on top of me. We kissed, and I asked him to do just what I said, which was to take me, but be gentle. He was worried about hurting me, but I told him that I wanted him to take my virginity, and that a long time before that day I'd told him I wanted his penis in my vagina, shredding my hymen. I urged him to do it, and raised my hips. He did, and it hurt a bit, but only for a second. I asked him to show me my blood, and when he did, I ran my finger through it, then spread it on his lips and mine, then asked him to make love to me, and he did."

Fran was making notes in her notebook, but was having difficulty fathoming a fourteen-year-old formulating those thoughts, let alone acting on them. Under normal circumstances, Doctor Mercer would assume that Stephanie had been groomed, but all the evidence suggested the opposite – that Stephanie had been the one grooming her brother, though that term didn't really describe what had happened between the two siblings. And Doctor Mercer knew, from her conversations with Bethany, that there was much more that had happened.

"How would you describe how you felt?"

"During? It was exhilarating. After? Loved and very happy."

"Did you have an orgasm?"

"Yes."

"What happened after?"

"I asked him to taste us, you know, our combined taste. He put his finger in me and then put it in my mouth, and then he put his tongue in me. And then we French kissed."

"Was that the end of the encounter?"

Stephanie laughed softly, "Not even close. I asked him to have anal sex next, and then, after he washed, I gave him a blowjob. After that, we showered and we decided not to wear clothes. We had lunch, and after lunch we cuddled in bed for an hour and then I asked him to make love to me for as long as he could, which he did. It was amazing and I had multiple orgasms. Afterwards, we showered, and then stayed naked. We had dinner, and when we went to bed, he gave me a bunch of orgasms with his tongue, and then we made love once last time before falling asleep together in my bed.

"When we woke up the next morning, I asked him to, and I'm quoting, 'fuck me really hard', which he did, and then we had our morning swim together, our first time naked in the pool. Later that day, we had lunch with Bethany, and she asked me how I was. I told her I was a bit sore, but that I was very happy. She hung out with us for the afternoon, and then after she went home, Steve and I made dinner then had another night of wild sex, this time in his bed. I guess you could say I was insatiable."

"And you initiated everything?"

"Yes. I basically had a plan for what I wanted, and Steve complied with every single request."

"So the rest of the week?"

"It was basically non-stop sex, but lots of cuddling, too. And we had a dinner party for our friends which Steve and I hosted. It was almost as if we were husband and wife. Then sadly, too soon, my parents and brother returned from their trip and our honeymoon was over."

"Honeymoon?"

"I told you my dream," Stephanie sighed. "That Steve and I could move somewhere and nobody would know we were brother and sister, and we could live as if we were married and have kids."

"How did you handle the change?"

"I hated it, but I understood the risks, so we went back to our old routine of swimming together and hanging out. Eventually, though, after maybe a week or so, I couldn't take it anymore and snuck into his room for sex after everyone else had gone to bed."

"Your parents obviously had no idea."

"Obviously, and they still don’t. It was right around this time that Dad finally began to put his foot down about how Mom was treating Steve, and that actually gave me a bit more freedom as well."

"Do you know why your dad changed?"

"I think he was unhappy that Steve was going to go to college in Chicago, and was afraid that he'd never see Steve again."

"Because of your mom," Doctor Mercer stated.

"Yes, but I knew Steve would come back to see me, despite my mom. Part of it would be poking his finger in her eye by being successful, but mostly it was because he loved me too much to stay away."

"Did you continue to sneak into his bedroom?"

"Yes, but we also used an apartment he had access to, which was a lot safer, obviously."

"How long did that continue?"

"Off and on until Steve proposed, and then it was over."

"You had other encounters, right?"

"You mean with Steve and other people? Yes. Jennifer, Steve, and I made love together, and there was the time with my friends Trish and Shelly, but we didn't do anything with each other."

"Any others?"

"I, uhm, am not sure I should say."

"Bethany?" Doctor Mercer prompted.

"Yes, but she and I didn't do anything with each other, just with Steve."

"Is Jennifer the only same-sex encounter you've had?"

Stephanie frowned and shook her head, "No."

"Why the frown?"

"Because it was a mistake."

"When did it happen?"

"When I was seventeen. It was one of the two girls I mentioned before."

"So you were with Jennifer, and then those two other girls?"

"The other way around. Steve called it 'Cherries Jubilee' in his journal."

Steve letting Stephanie read his very detailed journals was a significant factor in Doctor Mercer’s mind, even if there had been no apparent attempt to use the journals to encourage Stephanie’s behavior. It was something to investigate later.

"In broad terms, would you describe what happened?"

"I invited...uhm...T and S over to the house. They both really liked Steve and thought he was hot. When they arrived, I suggested we all go swimming, naked, and we did. Afterwards, we all showered together to rinse off the chlorine, and then I had Steve make and eat a 'Stephanie Sundae'."

"Which is?" Doctor Mercer interrupted.

Stephanie smirked, "Fudge sauce, whipped cream, and cherries, put on my breasts and mons, and then eaten."

"OK. Go on."

"Anyway, he did that, then did the same for my friends, then we had sex in front of my friends who were totally in awe. After that, he took their virginities in my bed, including having anal with S. We also took a bubble bath together."

“They were both virgins and came to the house with the intention of losing their virginities?”

“Yes.”

"With the others watching?" Doctor Mercer asked.

"Yes."

"How did you feel?"

"It was wild watching my brother have sex with my friends and it turned me on!"

"And your friends?"

"S was fine, and really got into sex; T fell in love with Steve and it took some time for her to get over it, but she never regretted having sex with him. She ended up staying that night, though S went home. T watched Steve and I make love and he made love to her again."

Doctor Mercer made more notes, and was still uncertain about how to proceed, beyond getting the basic timeline correct, and who Stephanie's partners had been. The real hard work would be, in effect, rebuilding Stephanie from the ground up, because her love for her brother was clearly the very core of her being, and unless something was done to redirect that to an appropriate kind of love, Stephanie would continue to seek out a physical relationship with her brother. And redirecting it might shatter Stephanie's personality to the point where she might never recover. It was an agonizing dilemma and Fran needed time to think about how to proceed and to discuss her plan with Laura Paulus.

"What happened next?"

"I invited Karin Andersson to come visit from Sweden, telling her that if she didn't come, Steve was going to propose to Kara, which I desperately wanted to prevent."

"Why?"

"Because I was sure Steve belonged with Jennifer, and I wanted him to be with Jennifer, because then I could still live out at least part of my fantasy."

"When did you become interested in Jennifer?"

"Right around the time I turned twelve."

"Are you attracted to other women?"

Stephanie shook her head, "No. Just Jennifer. I guess it's like the way she's attracted to Steve, or Steve's wives to each other."

"But you had another same-sex encounter?"

"Three years later, with S."

"OK. We'll come back to that. What happened next?"

"Well, Steve and I went to Chicago to see his skater friend Katt, and to find an apartment for him. Steve was with Katt and her friend, who he'd been with before, but we also had a chance to make love the last night. After we came home, he and Kara got back together."

"Back together?"

"Oh, right, I left out the part where her dad discovered they were screwing and tried to keep them apart. But Kara's mom intervened and her dad relented. Anyway, because of Kara, Steve and I kind of cooled things off and I had sex with Ed."

"Your then future husband?"

"Yes. But something was off. I mean, it felt good, but it just wasn't the same as with Steve. Not long after that, Karin came to visit, and then Jennifer, and that's when she, Steve, and I made love to each other, and Jennifer and I made love. And I basically achieved my goal of keeping Steve from getting engaged."

"Had you stopped?"

"For a time, but once we’d been with Jennifer, it started again."

"Then he went to Chicago?"

"Yes, and I could only see him on breaks, but it worked out for us to see each other once a month or so, and we always found time to make love."

"Did you have other partners?"

"Just Ed at first, but we broke up and I went out with different guys."

"Were you intimate with them?"

"Some."

"How many is some?"

"Seven during my Sophomore year."

"And more after that?"

"Yes. Pretty much never more than twice with the same guy, and it kind of depended on how often I could see Steve."

"Does he know about any of this?"

Stephanie shook her head, "No. Well, Ed, but not about the others."

"Do you know how many?"

Stephanie smirked, "I have a list. Thirty-three including Ed, Steve, Jennifer, and S."

"All in High School?"

"No. Some were in college."

"They were just, well, affairs?"

"Except for one," Stephanie sighed. "A college student named Jorge who was Steve's best friend."

Doctor Mercer nodded, "I know a lot about him, though not that you two were seeing each other seriously."

"He was going to ask me to marry him, so I beat him up and broke up with him."

"Beat him up?"

"I had a violent streak. I actually was arrested and plead guilty to disorderly conduct after the cops saw me trying to beat up my brother. And there was another incident when I was attacked and ruptured a guy’s testicle."

Doctor Mercer frowned, "The criminal charge; what happened?"

"Supervision and expungement. I don't have a record."

"OK. We'll come back to those incidents and your relationship with Jorge," Doctor Mercer said, realizing that things were even more problematic than she'd envisioned. "Just to round things out, when was your same-sex encounter with the girl you called 'S'?"

"October of Senior Year, which would have been 1984."

"Have you been faithful to Ed since you got back together?"

"Yes. I never thought about being with anyone else once he came back into my life. Well, except Steve. And Ed knows everything."

What amazed Doctor Mercer was the number of people who knew about Steve and Stephanie, yet not only kept quiet then, but had kept quiet over the years. That was strange, but everything about this situation was strange, even for cases of ‘consensual’ incest.

"OK. That gives me the broad outlines, and now I'd like to delve more into your relationship with your mom and dad."