Entry 19811124-1 - Elizabeth Petra Loucks

_November 24, 1981, Rutherford, Ohio_


Doctor Mercer walked into the room where Elizabeth Loucks was sitting slouched in a chair. It was obvious that Elizabeth, under normal circumstances, we a very pretty girl, but at the moment she was disheveled and it was obvious she'd been crying. That was, Fran thought, not surprising given how Laura Paulus would have conducted her interview. Fran believe in a different approach, which in this situation, was a major plus.

"Hi, Elizabeth, I'm Fran."

"Hi," Liz replied dully.

"How are you?"

"How do you think? Everyone is lying about me! Nobody will listen and nobody cares about the truth!"

"I care about the truth, Elizabeth, or should I call you Liz?"

"Liz. You're just another psychiatrist who wants to drug me and put my brother in prison!"

"Do you know the difference between a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist?"

"No."

"Clinical psychologists like me aren't allowed to prescribe drugs. We're not medical doctors, we're counselors, and I'm specially trained to help teenagers like you."

"And the other lady?"

"Doctor Paulus? She's also a clinical psychologist."

"But she tried to trick me into accusing Mike just like that bitch from Columbus!"

"You mean because she asked you the same questions in different ways?"

"Yes! Just like that bitch who said Mikey abused me! She tricked my mom, too!"

Elizabeth was clearly agitated, and that concerned Fran, because no matter what the truth happened to be, the agitation would be used by the State of Ohio and their doctors to 'prove' that both Liz and Mike were lying. Fran had seen it happen, and had seen it destroy a family, when no actual abuse had occurred, except in the mind of the prosecutors and their doctors. Fran decided that the direct approach was a bad idea. She mostly hadn't used it with Mike, and she certainly couldn't use it with Elizabeth - Liz - if she wanted to get the truth.

"Why don't you use the powder room and wash your face and blow your nose and we can have a chat. Just a talk. I promise no tricks and no traps. The powder room is just outside this door. Come back and we'll figure out how to help you."

Liz nodded and got up from her chair and walked to the door. Doctor Mercer watched carefully and saw that Liz walked steadily, appeared to be healthy and reasonably fit. Her build reminded Fran of her own daughter, Sarah, who was fourteen as well. While Liz was in the powder room, she pondered everything Mike had said, and her experience and insight told her Mike was telling the truth. That said, he might just be a very good liar and an adept manipulator. Doctor Mercer had run into a few of those in the past, but Mike didn't seem to fit the type.

"How are you feeling?" Doctor Mercer asked in as friendly a voice as she could muster without sounding patronizing or cloying.

"How do you think?" Liz replied testily. "Nobody will believe anything I say! They locked me up in a cell in Columbus. Now they forced me to live with a family I don't like. They want to put my brother in jail for life! He didn't DO anything!"

"I understand those are the things that are upsetting you, but would you tell me how you feel?"

"Helpless," Liz sighed.

"Then let's see if I can help you. You said you don't like the foster family. Why?"

"Kim, who's in my grade, is a stuck-up cheerleader who didn't even acknowledge I was alive! She pretends to care when she's home, but some of my friends told me she's saying nasty things about me at school."

"Did you tell Family Services?"

"The stupid cow who made me move doesn't listen to anything I say! She said I was making it up because I was covering for Mike and that Kim was a 'wonderful, sweet girl'. That's bullshit, and _everyone_ at school knows it!"

Fran contemplated gently reproving Liz for swearing and for name-calling, but decided it would be counterproductive.

"I know you've only been there a few days, but what do you do?"

"Stay in my room except for meals and the bathroom unless they make me come out. I don't want to be there, but I'm not allowed to leave. I'm not allowed to see any of my friends without Family Services interviewing them and I can't go to school until after the hearing! I'm being punished because that bitch in Columbus lied about me!"

The interview was going to be even more difficult than Fran had first imagined because Liz was clearly very, very upset. That didn't help because girls trying to cover for abuses became very upset, as did girls who were telling the truth. The psychiatrists appeared, as was common, to have simply assumed that Liz was covering for Mike, instead of trying to find the truth.

"Liz, I can help you if you let me. I can't promise anything except to try, but if you don't let me try, the court will confirm the order. Will you let me try to help you?"

"I guess."

"Tell me how you met Paul, if you would."

"Last Summer, when my friend Emmy was on vacation with her family, I was at the pool alone. My mom had dropped me off because Mike couldn't give me a ride for some reason. Paul sat down in a deck chair next to me."

"What were you wearing?"

"A bikini."

"And what was he wearing?"

"A bathing suit."

"Which kind?"

"Trunks."

"So what happened after he sat down?"

"He said 'hello' and I said 'hello' back. It was pretty obvious he was interested from the way he looked at me."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Tingly, and I had this kind of queasy feeling, like I had when I'd made out with a guy. But he had just said 'hello'; he hadn't even tried to touch me."

"What happened next?"

"Nothing. We both lay in the sun for a time, then he said 'goodbye' and left, but I know he checked me out."

"Checked you out?" Fran asked.

"You know, looked at me from head to toe and liked what he saw."

"Go on."

"Two weeks later, I was at the pool with Emmy..."

"Emmy is?" Fran asked, interrupting.

"My best friend, Emily Nelson."

"OK, go on."

"Anyway, we were in the pool and he touched my arm, then my hip, then my stomach. It was all casual, but I really liked it and I was sure I wanted to be with him. I'm sure he wanted me, too."

"Did he know how old you were?"

"Not until right before he left. I asked him how old he was and then he asked me."

"And you told the truth?"

"Yes. I said I was fourteen. He seemed a bit surprised, but didn't say anything. Later he told me he'd thought I was sixteen."

"Go on."

"Well, before that, I'd asked him what he did for a living and where he worked. He told me that, and I told him I was in High School. That's when I asked how old he was."

"What did you think before that?"

"That he was a college Senior, so like twenty-two."

"OK. So what happened?"

"After I told him how old he was, we talked for another minute and then he said he had to go. I kissed his cheek before he left."

"Did he do anything?"

"No. He just smiled and left. I didn't see him at the pool the next few weeks, and then the summer ended and the pool closed."

"When was that?"

"About a month later at the end of September."

"When did you see him next?"

"Right before Halloween I managed to get to the place he worked in Rutherford so I could talk to him."

"He didn't call you? Or get in touch with you?"

"How could he? He didn't know my phone number, address, or even my last name."

"Why did you go to see him?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Liz asked with a smirk.

"Yes, but I'd like to hear what you were thinking."

"That I wanted to be with him. I'd had really intense dreams about, well, doing it, with him."

"Did you masturbate?"

"Uhm, yeah," Liz said quietly.

"OK. So, you went to the place he worked?"

"Yes. He was totally surprised and said he hadn't expected to see me until the next summer."

"Which was this year, when you turned fifteen, right?"

"Yes."

"So what happened after you saw him at Halloween?"

"I managed to sneak to see him a few more times, and Emmy covered for me."

"How many times?"

"Three or four; I don't remember for sure."

"Did you kiss?"

"No. I kissed his cheek, but that's all. He never kissed me or even hugged me."

"When was your first kiss with him?"

"Around Christmas. I bought him a gift and took it to him. He thanked me and then we kissed for the first time."

"What did you buy him?"

"A thin gold chain."

"How did he kiss you?"

"Just, uhm, normal at first, but then I Frenched."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Like I wanted to do it; I mean, really, really wanted to do it."

"Then what happened?"

"I guess he felt the same way, and he told me he wanted me."

"How tightly did you hug?"

"I felt him, if that's what you mean."

"Yes. Go on."

"We agreed on a date for the Friday after New Year's."

"Of this year?"

"Yes, in January."

"What happened?"

"Well, I told my parents I was going ice skating with Emmy and she covered for me so I could meet Paul. When I showed up, he asked what I wanted to do and I told him I wanted to be alone with him. He said that's what he wanted, too, so we got in his car and drove to his house. As soon as we got inside, we started making out."

"And then you had sex?"

"Yes. I wanted him SO badly I couldn't stand it. I begged him to do it, so he picked me up and carried me to his bed."

"Who took your clothes off?"

"Both of us, together."

"You don't need to give details, but what did you do?"

"He kissed me all over, especially my boobs and between my legs, and then he got on top of me. I begged him to do it, and he did."

"How did you feel?"

"A bit uncomfortable at first, but then it felt so good I never, ever wanted to stop."

"Did you do it more than once that night?"

"Three times."

"And did you 'kiss him all over'?"

Liz laughed and smirked, "You mean blow him? Yes."

"Did you use birth control?"

Liz shook her head, "No."

"So what happened after?"

"We took showers, dressed, and he took me back to Grant Park to meet Emmy so I could go home with her."

"And after that?"

"At least once a week, sometimes twice, but mostly at the motel in Rutherford."

"Why not his house?"

"Because after we did it that first time, I saw a crib in another room. And pictures of his wife and son."

"So that's when you found out that he was married? You didn't know before?"

"I didn't know until I saw the crib and the picture, but that was after. I guess I wasn't paying attention at first."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Upset, but he'd treated me so nice and made me feel SO good that I decided I just wanted to do it with him."

"What about his wife?"

"He said there were having serious problems ever since his son was born, and that she was ignoring him and when she wasn't ignoring him, she was a bitch."

"Ignoring him? As in not having sex?"

"Well, that, too. But she spent all her time with the baby and her mom, and basically wanted nothing to do with Paul. He said she got all moody and acted crazy, and then just stopped paying attention to him. Before the baby she'd cooked dinner every night, but she stopped doing that. And she stopped doing the laundry."

"You know this, or he told you?"

"He told me. But I think he was telling the truth."

"And this went on until your brother found out and called the Sheriff?"

"Yeah," Liz replied sullenly. "And everything went straight to hell."

"I saw in your medical records that you had an abortion. Was that Paul's?"

Liz shook her head, "No. I had two periods after he was arrested."

"Do you know who the father was?"

"No. I was kind of a slut at that point."

"Please don't use that word."

"What would you call a girl who traded sex for drugs? And who didn't care who she fuc...slept with?"

"Troubled," Doctor Mercer said gently. "So, when you told Mike, what happened?"

"First he insisted I have a pregnancy test and a VD test. He took me to the clinic here in Rutherford for the test."

"Negative, right?"

"Yes. Then he called the Sheriff and Paul was arrested."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Betrayed. Like my life was over."

"What did you do?"

"I started drinking, doing drugs, and having sex with anyone who could get me booze or coke. That's when Mikey noticed and talked to my parents and I got sent to that evil place in Columbus."

"Why tell your brother?"

"I didn't mean for him to find out," Liz sighed.

"Oh?"

"I was giving Mike a difficult time about Emmy, because I didn't want him to date her. He told me to 'grow up' and I replied that that was funny given I'd had sex before he did. Mom overheard, and she and I had a fight. I told her to mind her own f-ing business. She forced me to go to confession and grounded me. Mike didn't know anything except that I had a secret boyfriend. Emmy accidentally spilled the beans that Paul was married and that he was twenty-four. Mike freaked out and came to talk to me, and things spiraled out of control after that."

"Why would Emmy do that?"

"Because she assumed Mike knew, and asked if my mom knew everything, including how old Paul was and that he was married. According to Emmy, Mike nearly drove off the road."

"So your friend knew?"

"I said she covered for me when I was meeting Paul."

"Did she ever flirt with older guys at the pool?"

"Some, but she really wanted to fu...have sex with my brother."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Grossed out! I mean, seriously! Yuck!"

Fran laughed softly, "A common reaction from little sisters when their friends flirt with their older brothers. Did you and Emmy talk about that?"

"Only in the sense that I told her to stay away from him and told him to stay away from her. It didn't work."

"They dated?"

"Yeah. 'Dated'."

"As in they had sex?"

"Duh!"

"What else do you know about your brother's girlfriends?"

"April wouldn't do it with him, then decided she would, but they broke up because Mikey is fixated and obsessed with church. Then April offered and he turned her down. He went to Cincinnati with Jocelyn for a couple of days, which is when he lost his virginity, and then he was with Emmy. Maybe other girls, too, but I'm not sure."

"How do you know so much?"

"Part of it is stuff Mikey said, part is stuff Emmy said, part is stuff my parents said. I'm pretty sure I'm right."

"So, you believe Mike was a virgin when he went to Cincinnati?"

"Positive, from something Jocelyn said to Mike."

"When was that?"

"Back in August."

"And you weren't a virgin when you were with Paul in January?"

"No. Didn't they tell you?"

"Yes, but I'd prefer to hear it from you. That's the best way for me to help you. Are you OK with discussing that?"

"If it will help Mikey, sure."

"Then let's start with when you first used drugs."